It’s a strange feeling when you are feeling high but you know that a bout of NED is inevitable. You know the high won’t last long, but you can’t even enjoy it while it lasts since you are already worried about your ability to handle the impending NED.

The reverse though never happens. When I’m at NED, I never get forewarned about an impending high. This means that all the time in NED is spent completely in NED. There is no compensation for the time you wasted when you were high thinking about NED. The world is more one-sided than I thought.

A stranger feeling is when you are rapidly oscillating between two widely different states. High amplitude. High frequency. It’s like almost being in two places at once. It’s almost like being two people at the same time. Feels extremely strange while it lasts but then in hindsight you get a kick thinking about it.

I think I should write a book.

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