have i become dumb?

It’s been ages since i put a crib post. So here goes. Enjoy!

Tomorrow is the seventh of may. exactly seven years to the day since I made what I think has been my biggest splash. it was on the 7th of May 2000 that I wrote the IIT-JEE.? and a few minutes back i was sitting with my mom and recounting the events of that day.

thinking about it, and i’m thinking about it quite often, i somehow feel that i’ve stagnated. and lost it. for a year now (yeah it’s more than a year since i joined ATK) I’ve been in two jobs, both not exactly exciting. at one, things became really unbearable quickly, and I fled. at the other, things are not yet so bad, but enough to set me thinking.

maybe i was doing too much in school. maybe i was making too many splashes. but having spent more than a year with little on my report card is extremely frustrating, when I think about it. it’s not about the footage. it’s not so much other people’s adulation. it’s more about my own satisfaction. not having done anything to my own levels of satisfaction doesn’t feel good at all.

sometimes i feel i’ve stopped thinking. sometimes i feel i’m not thinking as well as i used to. a year of corporate life has made me much less sharper. and i can really feel it. a few months back, I used to see something and get a hundred ideas. they are not happening now. maybe the circumstances are different. maybe it’s not my fault. however, things are just not happening.

i sometimes wonder if corporate life is like this. if every job stifles you so much that you can’t think independently. whether doing somethign you don’t exactly enjoy for so many hours a day has a major impact on you. and if there is some place where I can continue thinking naturally. and get back “to form”.

i think i have a problem in slowing down. i remember going through a similar crisis for most of my stint at IIT. i simply wasn’t doing anything, and that was building frustration, which meant i didn’t do anything further! and in my opinion, completely wasted my four years there.

i don’t know how to handle it now. all i want is to start thinking again. and i don’t konw how to go about it!

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