Number thirteen

The number of rats I’ve killed in my life has remained constant at twelve for way too long. One of my biggest sources of embarrassment in recent times has been in 2011 when a rat inhabited our home for a full fortnight without me catching it. I’d even chased it around the house one day but it had proved elusive. Considering that that was my first attempt at killing a rat in Pinky’s presence, after having bragged much to her about my previous twelve kills, it was a major disappointment. It was as if my manhood was in question.
I made up for that today by killing number thirteen. This one was rather timid and easy kill. I’d closed the door between the drawing room and back room of my in-laws’ house but the stupid rodent just kept pushing against the door trying to open it. At that moment my mother in law alerted me (I was on a phone call in another room) and in I came and whacked the rat a few times with a broom. It quickly keeled over and I put it in a polythene bag and threw it out.


Of course there was considerable groundwork I’d done before this. I’d procured from the mother-in-law a broom and a long stick. I’d closed all the doors and thus restricted the rat to one closed space. I’d tapped around the entire house with the stick trying to scare the rat. And then I moved away to talk on the phone. Groundwork thus laid I proceeded to whack the rodent.

Pinky may not have seen the kill herself but I was on the phone with her as I whacked the rat. Phone in one hand held to the ear. Broom in another whacking the rat dead. Quite I sight I made I imagine!

And while Pinky did not see this kill directly I did one better – Pinky’s mother was there through the entire process (she did her bit by supplying the whacking implements and sacrificing a sweet to lay bait for the rat and most importantly alerting me when the rodent made its stupid move). I feel so glad. I feel like my life has been resurrected. I can finally rest, having made up fit that spectacular failure of 2011.

The rat is dead. Long live the rat!

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